Spring Break toilets

So here is what I have concluded during my Spring Break.... I was in Home Depot today (and, I will grant you that me at a Home Depot is about as typical as this... but, hear me out!)

So as I was Home Depot-ing, I came across an aisle that struck me as quite... interesting. In this aisle of Home Depot there are toilets. Now, you would expect there to be toilets. I mean, after all, there's a full plumbing section of Home Depot so there should, naturally, be toilets. However, upon seeing a full aisle of porcelain, fully equipped, pimped out with god-light toilets I (poetically) almost peed myself. This place was absolutely hilarious to me.

I, then and there, decided that the toilet aisle is most definitely the place to go if you need a good laugh.

Let us observe....
All toilets in the aisle are white. Who decided toilets should be white anyway? Why not magenta? Okay, well... maybe not magenta but why not grey or a neutral tan? Or brown?! Didn't the original toilet-maker-man think to himself "Poop is brown. I should make something to cover up poop remnants. Brown toilets! DING!" No. This man, in his moment of genius, thought to himself "AH HA! I will make the toilet white. Pure, clean, snowy, milky white. Like a picket fence, or a cloud... or a golf ball."
Speaking of golf bowls... let us discuss my most fascinating finding. There was, in this aisle a very special toilet. A super-duper, top of the line, unparalleled, tripped out toilet. This toilet, as advertised by a ginormous sign above the shiny (white) bowl, is able to.... drum roll please!!!..... flush an ENTIRE bucket of GOLF BALLS.
Let me point out a few things.
Golf balls.
Who, in their right (or left) mind, is flushing GOLF BALLS?!?! Now, unless I missed this day in class, I do not make it a common practice to flush golf balls. Let's just go with this idea, though.
First - why golf balls? Why not marbles? or ping pong balls? or those pebble things you can buy in the craft department? Regardless... golf balls. Does this mean that Home Depot is equating my poop... to golf balls? I dunno about you (and we'll clearly have to consult the Poop Expert on this one) but my poop... looks nothing like a golf ball. Wasn't it Oprah that told me that my poop *shouldn't* look like a golf ball?? Is Home Depot promoting unsafe pooping? And anyway.... a full bucket?!? Let's clarify here - are we flushing the entire bucket at once or simply flushing one at a time and, upon flushing the last one in the bucket the toilet kindly remarks that it will "FLUSH NO MORE GOLF BALLS!" What exactly is the protocol to flushing a golf ball down the toilet? Is there a guidebook to this? And who, at the toilet making factory, was sitting around one day and thought "Let's flush a golf ball and see what happens!"

Anyway... now that I have explained to you my experience in the toilet aisle of Home Depot, I hope you will forever more appreciate your toilet for it's capabilities and encourage it that, somewhere out there, there is a toilet that it can look up to; one who has conquered more than any other toilet in the world; a hero, a role model... one who has flushed golf balls successfully.

And now... back to your regularly scheduled spring break.